PMS-ing Part 2 July 22, 2008

Okay, I am a little crabby.

After a mud mask, apple-scented bath with scrubs and lotions, and a pretty darned cool purchase from Early2bed.com, I am still feeling BLAH. This is going to be one of those nights where I stay home feeling sorry for myself and partially enjoy it.

David is going out with his man-buddies tonight. They are beginning to write Christian music together, which is really great and I support him 100%. But…(insert whiny voice here)…why’d he have to go tonight???

I called him at work to try and persuade him to invite me to “jam” with him and his man-buddies. I know better than to plead, and I know that I should use this night to myself to reflect on my inner self and meditate and all that jazz. But let’s face it: I’ve spent the entire day being pissed, which means I am spending this evening depressed at how I’ve wasted my entire day (I didn’t say I was logical). I want a hug, a kiss, attention, company. I actually want to get dressed up really nice and go out to dinner, looking and laughing at the world. I don’t want to talk or interact with my family, and though I’m up for a little socialization it may make me a little sick to see a happy person. I feel cynical, sad, sarcastic, and guess what? There is not a spot of blood yet.

Nah, I really do want him to jam with his buds tonight. Doesn’t mean I can’t be a little sour, though.

PMS-ing July 22, 2008

I am doing some serious PMS-ing. I even have the peanut butter jar right next to me as I write this.

I had to downgrade my Green Honeybee website as it was costing WAYYYY too much per month, and heck, if I don’t have income, I can’t give out. So I went to an $8.95/month plan and figured out that I basically get the same stuff out of it. Cool, right? Except that EVERYTHING ON THE PAGEBUILDER PROGRAM IS GOING WRONG, I DON’T KNOW HOW TO WORK THIS S***, AND THERE ARE BEES BUTTS THAT NEED TO BE SAVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phew. That felt good to get out.

Sometimes I get so darned frustrated.

I love my little brother, but today I just really couldn’t take him and thank goodness his buddy ended up calling. My boyfriend is staying an extra week of the summer in California; he’ll be back the day before school starts. I need to figure out a good restaurant to take him to for his congratulatory end of CNA class dinner. I am worried about college money and metra money, I want a job for the school year. And I want a melted cookie dough ice cream. I really don’t need to save the world, but it’d be nice if I could, y’know? My little bee buddies need to be saved!!!

Changes July 22, 2008

Yesterday my aunt came over and told me it looks like I’m losing weight. Everyone has been telling me that these days, and in high hopes I step on the scale. Nope. Not a single pound lost. How does this weight loss thing work, anyway?

Lately David and I have been talking extensively about the future. Whether he should stay and go to school here in Chicago, or live in California for a couple years and complete school there. Whether, if he does fly to Cali, we should stay together or not. 2 years is a long time to be alone, besides the infrequent trips around important times of the year to see one another. We are nowhere near finished talking about this subject, nor is it anywhere near decided.

But what is at least 40% decided is that he is going to move back in with his mother and step-dad. He moved out this past March because, well, he couldn’t take it anymore. His mother was literally constantly telling him he wasn’t good for anything, he wasn’t responsible, he was wasting his time with school etc. An ego can only take so much abuse, and so he left with the hopes of starting a more optimistically-sponsored life. Well, this optimistic life has become extremely pessimistic due to the lack of his financial income. He pays $500 rent per month working a $7.75/hour job and frankly, he can’t make ends meet anymore. Oh, and did I mention he gets splitting headaches from his smoking roommate?

Ever since he moved out his mother has been begging him to move back, and though he would love to take her up on the offer we are both skeptic. Has her attitude really changed? Has she finally seen what her son is capable of? He is earning his CNA certificate and living alone. Does she think he’s responsible now?

There’s not just her to worry about, either. It’s the step-dad. I won’t go into detail, but David’s step-dad freaked out when he found out we were having sex. Although he has apologized to both of us for his past rash actions, we are wondering if anything has really changed. Only time will tell, I suppose.

Today I’ve got voice from 2:00-3:00, and I desperately need to wash clothes and clean my room.