School draws ever closer, and I am thinking about it more and more. Sometimes it gets me a little depressed, other times I feel like I need to be more optimistic.
I love the concept of school. I really do. I love to learn, read, ask questions, etc. I’m a good student. My issue is not with the classes, it’s with who’s in the classes.
I have always been super different, and this summer I have learned to use this difference to my advantage. I can talk comfortably to people ten years older than me, but have the hardest time making conversation with my fellow teenager. I have tried to “fit in” with the conversations my age group has, but I find it rather difficult. I don’t want to indulge myself in shallow conversation, I don’t want to just pretend I’m a mindless drone that gets up in the morning and her sole purpose is to look pretty for the world. I have played those parts, and they are in no way satisfying to my intellectual abilities.
As I moved one step forward into college, with a little more determination and a little less self-consciousness, I hope that this year I can meet people who I really click with. My mother has told me, over and over, that I don’t hang out too much with my friends, and hang out too much with my boyfriend, and she’s worried because “college is a time where you’re supposed to have five hundred friends and not know their last names.” I am being completely honest when I say I have made no permanent friends in college. I’m not ashamed, just feeling a bit left out. Like the lone zebra in a pick of wild flamingo’s or something.
