Things didn’t really turn out the way I expected them to yesterday. I went to Big Bowl with the family and afterwards we went to the local Barnes and Noble. I was browsing along the shelves and came upon this book for the umpteenth time: Conversations with God: an uncommon dialogue
Now, I have come across this book many times, and many times I have been itching to buy it for my boyfriend and to read into it myself. Skepticism always stopped me half-way through persuading myself to buy it, because, really, who claims they can talk to God? What kind of person is that? Yesterday, realizing my cynicism on the matter, I took a deep breath and told myself to trust. I read some passages. Even if they weren’t straight from the Divine Source, they certainly were uplifting and motivational; something my boyfriend needs at this time in his life, and something I constantly need to be reminded of.
I bought it. Now, boyfriend had been feeling pretty crappy the entire day with a headache and low morale sponsored by his boss. He even canceled our date to see Dark Knight, but was obviously very down about it. So when I came home, I drove over to his house with the book in my bag.
I found him playing the guitar; something he does when he’s depressed. I could tell he was having a rough time. He talked with me for a little, and at what I felt was the right time, I brought out the book.
He stared at it with wonder, flipped through it, read the inside cover and the back of the book. Thinking he was skeptical, I tried explaining that even if this stuff wasn’t ‘real,’ it was still a great motivational read.
“I wish you were here five minutes ago,” he said.
“Why?”
“I was playing my guitar, talking to God, asking him to talk back to me. I was praying for a sign, for anything.” His eyes filled with tears (so did mine!) and I gave him a great big hug.
Little miracles like that…they happen. And not coincidentally. I am not Christian, nor am I a big fan of the male God, because I believe the Divine would not choose to be simply male or female. The Divine is multi-faceted, is a part of everything, including masculinity and femininity. David is Christian, and he is most comfortable speaking to God as a male, which is fine with me. I’d rather talk to God as a female, and I have, and will continue to do so. But we have both come to the agreement that the Divine is not just limited to a single gender, sexuality. Or how could the Divine know the human experience?
I don’t really have any one particular religious view. I believe in nature. I believe that life should be enjoyed and we should love and accept one another. I believe in expressive art, and using painting/writing/singing as a tool to worship the Divine and as a tool to understand the Divine within myself. I believe in giving to others, I dislike violence and there is nothing I like more than taking in a rainbow, or a storm or a sunrise. I found a passage in this book that explains heaven is here, on earth. I partially understood that. We create our own surroundings, whether heaven or hell-like. I don’t believe in fate, hell or the devil. I believe we are responsible for our actions.
This book has struck a chord with me. A good one. Seeing the smile on David’s face felt so good, and trusting in something feels good, too. I do question everything, take it into my mental brain process to see if it goes with what I believe. But overall, simply reading a few passages has let me feel that my life has the meaning I give it – and I plan to give it a lot of meaning!
