I know I am writing a lot for one day, and as the day continues I will most likely write more…I don’t expect anyone to keep up with this rambling thought process of a 19-year-old. I just need it for my own peace of mind.
I was painting in the basement and very deep in thought. Paula Cole’s “Garden of Eden” was playing and I couldn’t help but relate that song to the painting. The painting is of a dark garage/basement/attic, and a door opening in the corner to let in light. The light comes in in such a way that it settles on all the junk in the garage. To the far corner are bees creating a beehive within the wall of the garage. They look up at the door, at the girl who is standing there, appalled that these creatures would continue to dream green in such an unpleasant environment. The girl dreams green, too. The junk on the floor are all relics of her young life, what she’s been through. A box of flamenco dresses, fans and castanets, gardening tools, seashells and scuba gear, telescopes and binoculars, cameras. By the beehive is a mirror. I hope to create a sequel of the painting, of her looking into that mirror, with all the relics within her, the whole painting lit with color.
Unable to determine where exactly I want each individual ray of light to fall, I got fed up with the painting and marched upstairs to shower. I practiced my voice, sang a song called “I Dreamed A Dream.” And I stepped out of the shower, looked at myself, and did something I have never quite done before.
I grabbed some mousse and scrunched it up in my hair.
Maybe it’s a girl thing. But when I am depressed/on the verge of figuring something out in my life, I do a new hair do. New make-up. New dress. New start. Not exactly a fresh start, not exactly a chalkboard with everything erased. But definitely new and optimistic.
David called. “I get my break at 4:00. How about I grab us some Subway and you meet me at the Church?”
Actually, I couldn’t have thought of a better idea myself. Lunch at a Church on a Sunday with a man I love. I need to get back to my roots. The painting in itself is a red flag I need to do so. I need to acknowledge that yes, I have a past. But there are issues that need my attention right now; they need me to work it out for the future. More than anything I need to be conscious of myself right now.
It feels really good to type that out and reread it.
Time for a date with the library!
***
Yeah, a picnic by the church in the sunlight was just what I needed. Receiving and giving kisses underneath a shady shrub while the sun lights our eyes on fire…very romantic.
Anyway, I am off to create the meal plan for the rest of this month. Only 27 days until Cancun!
